Think 'Kaboom!' (or any generic explosion descriptor) and you'll accurately epitomise the latest Hollywood end-of-the-world big-screen blockbuster, the two hours of noise known as Battleship
Marketed as being based on Hasbro's board game of the same, Battleship
introduces Alex Hopper (John Carter
's Taylor Kitsch), a young man desperately in need of direction and discipline and an out-of-this-world test of character.
Enter stage right — an alien invasion and a battle for Earth set in Pearl Harbour, featuring an international naval fleet, a soundtrack replete with power chords, and Hopper rising to senior ranks through circumstance. Kapow!
If you're hoping for a remake of the 1925 Russian silent film and Tsarist regime commentary, Battleship Potemkin
, then this movie isn't for you. Don't get me wrong, there are themes, baby — the importance of humility, the dangers of reckless contact with alien life-forms and how to pick up chicks with burritos. But it falls short of delivering the full popcorn experience that a blockbuster should. Kerplunk! (Ignore that — wrong game.)
isn't the kind of film where an exploration of character complexities is expected. That aside, while the cast is easy on the eye (including an acting debut from Rihanna — Badaboom!), it's hard to "root for the good guys" like I would for movies of a similar vein, such as Independence Day
The dialogue is surprisingly painful, and each spoken line seems separately recorded, akin to the pre-recorded voice you hear when telephone banking.
eventually gains momentum in the second half, giving action-escapism junkies a strong hit of 'Kablammo!'
If this sounds like your kind of film, take note: it is best experienced on the big screen and with a healthy dose of paracetamol (and maybe a bucket of popcorn too). As for me, well, I'm just hanging out for the large-screen version of Hungry Hungry Hippos
. Chomp chomp!
*Watch the trailer and more clips here